Shalom! namaste and shanti to you All! In Gratitude with conjoined hands.
I have longed for this moment to have the opportunity to put here what is on my mind, in my heart, on my spirit.
I haven’t really had the chance to speak about it to reflect on it and to contemplate on the fruit that has come out from having to suffer the consequences of my actions, and my mistakes.
I grew up, in the middle of my storm I found peace like I’ve never experienced before, it didn’t come from me for I am an expert in sabotaging my own process. I will never forget that one morning when I woke up from that park bench right across the street from the cemetery I felt as if I was operated on the inside. That day I made a decision to stay out of my own way to let the good happen to let the healing continue to do its work in me and in those that I have hurt during my time of insanity.
A certain reassurance came over me I had nothing and when I say nothing I had nothing but the clothes on my back and even those were not mine, they came from a clothing drive, I had a pair of sandals, my i.d. in my pocket not knowing what was going to happen next, I was in the same place I started about a year and a half ago prior to that time, the same place same bench the same park, but I can’t ignore and I cannot lie about what happened there as if a power from above came within and pushed myself up with my own hands but not with my own strength, one side did that and then once I allowed that Grace that empowerment to come into my life everything started connecting reconciliation started working fast for Love sets of fast-pace.
No longer is the spirituality that I practice one that is too far from me, it is close in every moment and every second it’s simplicity is so heartwarming and mind-blowing and spirit intoxicating that sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself.
Before I used to be one that would always read books of Christian mysticism and contemplation meditation and mantras sadjana, it’s a spirituality of now of here of saying thank you of being grateful and asking for forgiveness and receiving others where they are and embracing myself I am always asking myself in this moment am I loving myself past the pain ? Am I loving myself past the ego ? and am I loving myself as God loves me? I know that my love will never compare not even come close to understand , I don’t indulge in myself for too long if I have to complain I complain if I have to be there for someone even though it’s irritating or tedious to be there I do my best to push through gratefully because I never will forget where I have been where I am now and having faith and trust in what’s to come.
There is more to be said but I just wanted to put this out there something is different and I don’t want to lose that embrace of trusting in my higher power, you see he took care of me I slept safely, and always woke up to a new day I will raise my head from that park bench from a cold night and I would say to myself today, will not be like yesterday, today I will let go and let God and I will take responsibility of what I need to do of what’s in front of me and towards where I would love to go.
Don’t let the day pass don’t miss out on the promises of today In healing and making amends and receiving love and respect, and even disrespect, just embrace the day and everything that you do let it be with a big thank you coming from the heart within the heart.